Denmark consistently ranks among the world’s happiest nations—but what if the secret isn’t just about hygge and work-life balance? What if it starts in the nursery?
Jessica Joelle Alexander, co-author of The Danish Way of Parenting, believes Denmark’s happiness stems from how they raise their children. We chatted with Jessica on Momcast, the Local Moms Network podcast, to discuss her book; its focus on empathy, well-being, and interdependence; and how we can incorporate these ideals into our own daily practices. Read on for 5 Danish parenting secrets for raising happier children.
Embrace Hygge (pronounced “HOO-gah”)
Hygge is the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes from slowing down and enjoying togetherness. “When you’re together with your family or your friends, it’s like you’re entering into a psychological space, and everybody agrees that for a period of time you agree to take off negativity, complaining, controversial topics—anything that can be subtly divisive. Instead, you focus on the moment, the food, uplifting stories from your past—anything that’s connecting,” says Jessica. She also created the “Hygge Oath,” which is a set of boundaries to use within your own family. For example, if the table is set and the candles are lit, children know it’s time for togetherness.
Be a Good Digital Citizen
When it inevitably came time to purchase a phone for her daughter, Jessica created a series of conversation cards that covered topics like bullying, good communication, critical thinking, consent and well -being. She went through the concepts with her daughter as a prerequisite for getting a phone. The cards were such a success within her own family that she developed the Raising Digital Citizens Program for others to use.
Reframe Situations
Jessica’s motto is “Don’t say no, say KNOW.” She believes the Danes are very good at seeing a situation and picking out the positive to focus on, without ignoring the negative. “Imagine you’re looking at a painting in a gallery, and you think, ‘it’s dark,’ and you don’t like it, and you’re going to move on. But then the guide stops you and tells you to look again. He points out the details in the painting that you didn’t see. And suddenly you look through the window, and there’s people arriving for a party and a child laughing in the corner. Now the picture has a totally different meaning for you.” Her tip? Be the guide for yourself.
Create Interdependency
As Americans, we tend to plan child-centric lives around our kids’ activities, studies, sports, etc. While Jessica agrees that the Danes are also child-centric, she notes that in Denmark, children “have a voice” from a very young age. In fact, Jessica told us that some studies report Danish babies cry less than others because parents respect and communicate with them like children.
Differentiate Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
“In Danish culture, there’s a difference between the word self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence are the things you can do. It’s what you’re good at, it’s what we can see, it’s your grades, it’s, all the things on the outside. Self-esteem is more about how you feel about who you are without those things. It’s your meaningful relationships. It’s the hobbies you like to do because you like to do them,” explains Jessica. She goes on to describe self-confidence as the leaves on a tree and self-esteem as the roots. “It’s very important that we nurture both because there’s many times in life where you won’t have those things on the tree. So that’s where you really
need the roots to hold you.”
Listen to the full podcast and get more Danish parenting tips from Jessica here.
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Why Chores Are Great for Kids—And How to Use Them to Parent More Effectively
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